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Aug 11, 2011
I am 33 years old and my husband is 29. We met 10 years ago, and I remember I made him so nervous that his lips trembled. We had a very special connection, for the first six months all we did was talk. We were bonded so closely. I remember how he used to look into my eyes and I would melt. My husband was the most honest, loyal, and decent human being. I would say he was probably the best human being I had ever met. He respected women, he was kind to everyone, he rarely drank, and never did anything questionable. He was the first man I ever trusted, I totally let my guard down with him for the fist time in my life. I worked for 6 years to put him through school.
During his third year of pharmacy school he started to get social anxiety. He saw our family Dr. and they wrote him a years prescription for 20mg Celexa… That is when things changed. I noticed after a while he wasn’t as loving as he used to be. I thought maybe our love had changed or matured or something. We married in June 2009, and he wasn’t excited. I felt like he wasn’t there….I knew something was wrong but didn’t want to admit it. Shortly before our 1st anniversary he came to me and told me he had an affair with a disgusting girl from his work. It broke my heart to pieces and I could hardly believe he had done this to me. I thought maybe his medication stopped working or something. He saw the Dr. and she doubled his dose of Celexa…and that is when all hell broke loose.
My wonderful husband started drinking heavily, seeing prostitutes, drinking and driving, and hanging out with his much younger and very immature employees. He started to pressure them to go out and drink with him, he went through 5000 dollars in six months on alcohol, prostitutes, and paying for his employees to drink. He told me that he hasn’t loved me in a long time, that he only married me because he felt it was the right thing to do. He says he doesn’t think he is capable of love. My heart has been broken so badly. He is not himself….I don’t know this man at all. My family convinced me to file for divorce and move on. I feel like my husband is sick…I love him as much as I ever did. I am conflicted in abandoning him…but I am suffering so much. I stopped eating…Stopped taking care of myself. Some days I just cry and cry. Last night I stumbled across an article about SSRI’s and how they can make a person lose their ability to love…to do stupid irrational things…and Ive been reading and reading ever since. That is what has brought me here. I spoke to my husband about what I had found out…he verbally agreed to try tapering off the medication. However, I don’t trust anything he says anymore. He even threatened me when I told him he couldn’t have my credit card when he drank through our bank account…he is so not himself. I am lost, looking for support, advice, and hoping to see that a person can go back to normal after getting themselves off this poison.